Marriage Advice from a Newbie

Well I’ve been doing some research lately on marriage. We’ve been married a year now this September, but dated for 7 years prior so we’re not that fresh out of the bag.   Yeah i don’t know what i mean by that either

Anyways, I’ve learned about several words of wisdom from various resources and I thought I’d share one of them.

Lesson #1 Commnication comes in all forms.

1. Adult –> Adult

Talking to an adult as an adult is when full respect for the other person comes across and is a healthy method of exchange.

2.Parent –>Child

If someone speaks down or in a commanding way then the natural response for a person is to respond as a child.  Now that child may be compliant or rebellious…but regardless this is not an ideal communication method.  However I know I’ve seen myself go along this road when dishes are left or the bed is unmade

Child –>Child

Another form of communicating, however if you are both responding back and forth like children you can imagine how much really gets resolved.  My sister tends to play the not it rule with her husband which would line up with this method.

Lesson #2

I can only control my own actions/emotions…

Yeah, I’ve come up with this theory about married life versus dating life.  Let me know if you agree…it goes like this:

When dating – the boy (and the girl for that manner) are on excellent behavior with eachother…no farting in front of eachother, cleaning up after themselves, putting their best foot forward at all times.

Well, when one gets married the boy then doesn’t have to pull out all the courting tactics.  They got the girl, they have the ring…and they are now free to be themselves 100% completely.

Let me tell you after dating someone for 7 years or so…(long distance and all)  it was a bit of a shock to me to not have the 100% full adoration 24/7.  All of a sudden everything I was doing wasn’t so perfect anymore.  And his clean bedroom wasn’t so spotless anymore.  And that unmessy bedroom of his became ours. 

(Yeah we were one of the few who didn’t live together before marriage)…

Lesson #3 (spawning off of my thoery) – It’s all about the approach.  Utilization is a psychological theory having someone help you by pulling on the theories and ideas that they love.  For example:  My husband is an avid lover of sports…football, baseball, basetball.  But especially football as of lately with his underdog Cardinals team go to the SuperBowl as of late.  So this was one of the things before we were married that showed up after the fact.

Before marriage, big game playing:  I come over to visit my boyfriend and his eyes light up and he shuts off the tv at the drop of a hat and takes me out on a to lunch and a movie.

After marriage, big game playing:  I walk into our family room and husband doesn’t hear/see me because the game is on…

So being that the sport is such a love of his…I can use the utilization method and pull on that love of the sport mindset and use that in our marriage.  AKA chores.  I divy it up, make a goal for us to meet, then applaud our teamwork after the fact.  It connects the dots for him…I get want I want out of my hubby and he gets  the satisfaction of feeling like he’s doing someting he loves too.

Let me know your tips you’ve learned throughout the years…I can always use more

One year later...

The Little Women…

Well, I was going to write an email about the eldest sibling who is pmsy and snotty.  But then I reflected on those bad intentions and thought I’d write a little about my theory on my sisters.

As far as reading goes, I don’t do much of it.  I know, judge me as you will…but i was always the one in front of the tv growing up.  What can I say, I love me some tv.  But besides that, I have read a fairly large book – I believe it had 500 pages or so.  Of course I remember because it was such a feat.   It’s one of my favorite books, “Little Women”.

This story, for those of you who read less then me…then again there’s an amazing movie as well (I suggest you watch it).  Anyways, this movie is about the bond of sisters.  Every one of the 4 sisters has a distinct personality, and they fight like any others, and burn off the others hair, fall in love with the same boys, laugh and cry together.  It’s an amazing story of true sisters.  The moral of the story is that their bond is stronger than any man that comes into the picture.  Their little tight knit circle is what gets them thru life.  Well that’s what it means to me anyways.

So my theory goes like this…me and my sisters are the Little Women.  Ok, now that you’re rolling your eyes at me, give me a second to explain.  We are meant to be close knit, not allowing any boy to ever come inbetween us.  (K, so that’s how I feel about it, hence my harsh judgement on all the boys in their life throughout the years!)  And we all take on different characters throughout our lives. 

Our little sister – She equates to the littlest sibling (Amy)sometimes, but she fluctuates to the eldest (Meg)as well because she is the most profound.  The old soul.  She has the street smart, me and the eldest sometimes do not.  She has the artist soul and wants to be rich; she is very critical of her appearance sometimes to a fault, and very aware fashionably of what is acceptable.

My eldest siter-She is Jo, no question about it.  She is quick tongued and gets herself into trouble.  She doesn’t care what others think of her and goes about her way untouched by the emotional “weaknesses” of others.  She is the rock and the voice of reason at times.  She even had our version of Laurie – who was the love interest that always loved her from a far, but could never have her because they were too much alike.

And me – Well at one time I was Beth…the sister with the intuition.  The one who couldn’t bear the thought of the others growing up and moving out of the house.  Again the issue with their boys coming into play.  I am protective and intuitive.  Introverted, yet thoughtful…K, I’m not as saintly as she was, which is where I fluctuate with Jo (cause I do have some of that spunk).  But she was the sister who died, and I have had my fair share of car accidents in my life.  So although God has saved my life time and time again…I was the sister that had threats to me living a full life.

So that is my theory of my sisters, and to end such a lovely story with a quitesential picture of them here it is.  Me on my wedding day, with the gazing at my soon to be husband knowing he would soon be coming into the sacred circle (Again they are more willing to open this circle to others than I have ever been)

I've always loved this picture because I think it catches each of the "Little Women" characteristics in it